I have a disease. This disease is a very common disease that lurks around every corner in every village and city in the world. In fact, it has reached epidemic proportions and the people who haven’t been affected by this disease are few and far between. What is this ghastly disease that hardens the heart and destroys the soul? This disease is a combination of not being thankful for what we have and not being content in all circumstances.Recently I have been reading the book Cancer Ward by Alexander Solzhenitsyn. It is about a hospital in the Soviet Union where cancer patients, usually in the last few months of their lives, go to receive treatment, usually experimental and the details of which are not fully disclosed to the patients. The book goes into the psychological lives of many of the patients one of whom is Oleg Kostoglotov who was living in exile in a place in the Soviet Union known as Ush-Terek before he was allowed to come to this hospital.
In a chapter called “Memories of Beauty,” Kostoglotov remembers a couple with whom he lived in exile. The Kadmins had a hard life. In a time of suspicion, the wife’s mother with whom they were living allowed a deserter of the army to stay two nights with them without the consent of the couple. When the deserter was found, he told the government who harbored him. The wife’s mother was very old and nothing was done to her. However, the couple was considered to be enemies of the state and each was sentenced to ten years of imprisonment. After their imprisonment, they were sent to distant regions of the Soviet Union for perpetual exile, meaning that not even their bodies could be sent back to their home for burial. However, the husband and wife were sent to different regions. The wife applied to be sent to the place where her husband was. After several years, she was finally allowed to be with her husband.
Despite all of this suffering, the Kadmins didn’t curse their life in exile. In fact the opposite was true. Whatever happened to them, they would say “Isn’t that fine? Things are so much better than they used to be. How lucky we are to have landed in such a nice part of the world?” They rejoiced when they were able to find extra bread. They were ecstatic if they found a beloved book in a book store. They were exuberant about watching the sunset each night. They didn’t let their lives go to pot. They eagerly learned new things and never wasted their time. They saw each moment as an opportunity to experience life to its fullest. The wife often said that these were the happiest years of her life.
Solzhenitsyn goes on to say, “It is not our level of prosperity that makes for happiness but the kinship of heart to heart and the way we look at the world. Both attitudes lie within our power, so that a man is happy so long as he chooses to be happy, and no one can stop him.”
He further says, “What is an optimist? The man who says, ‘It’s worse everywhere else. We’re better off here than the rest of the world. We’ve been lucky.’ He is happy with things as they are and he doesn’t torment himself. What is a pessimist? The man who says, ‘Things are fine everywhere but here. Everyone else is better off than we are. We’re the only ones who’ve had a bad break.’ He torments himself continually.”
Obviously, Solzhenitsyn and the couple about whom he writes have found out how to live out the words of St. Paul in action, “Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content. I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.” (Philippians 4:11-12 NKJV)
I mentally and intellectually understand the words of St. Paul. But I must admit my spiritual maturity is not up to the level where I have learned to live out this verse in word and in deed.
I am restless. I don’t quite understand where I am at in life. I don’t really know what to do with myself. Often I let depression rule my actions and my thoughts. But the Lord sees my struggle and He will honor it. There will come a time when I will be thankful and content no matter what my circumstances are. Oh, how I long for that day!
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