Great Lent (‘08), Part I

  For the past few weeks, I haven’t been writing too regularly.  There are many reasons for this. It seems like there has been so many interruptions and inconveniences like the internet connection being down for several days. However, one main reason is that this is Great Lent for Orthodox Christians.Although Western Christians had their Easter last Sunday, Orthodox Christians will not celebrate Easter this year until April 27.  Orthodox Christians do not use the term Easter. We prefer the term Pascha.  Pascha comes from Pass Over (The Jewish Feast which Christ was celebrating the night of the Last Supper and the day on which Christ was crucified).  Our celebration of Pascha is based on the Jewish calendar.  Sometimes Western and Eastern “Easter” coincide on the same day.  However, Pascha cannot happen before Pass Over. The Western calendar often has Easter before Pass Over. 

I am a very introspective person and have been doing a lot of thinking during this Great Lent.  I have often been unable to write because I haven’t quite known how to really put down what I am thinking in words. Great Lent began this year for us on March 10. There are many things to write about Great Lent.  Over the next few posts, I hope to discuss many issues pertaining to Great Lent.  However, in today’s post, forgiveness will be my main focus.

Yesterday I was in the gym working out.  While I was working out, I happened to see many things on the TVs that were right before my eyes.  Many of the channels were set on news.  The volume on all of them was down, but the captions were displayed.  All of them had news of horrible or tragic things going on in the world around us.  All of a sudden, I wanted to break down and weep. I thought to myself, “What has happened to the World?  Is there no sanity left?”  At that moment, the desire to abandon this world, especially the American lifestyle, came upon me.  The materialism, greediness, selfishness, and lust of this country often overwhelm me. However, I cannot become a hermit. I must live in this world and somehow live for Christ despite all of the things around me.

Later, when I was analyzing this feeling, I started to think about who was to blame for the current situation of the world today.  It was at that moment that I realized that I was part of the downfall of the world. I was partly to blame.

The Orthodox do not believe that people “fall” alone. There is no sin, no matter how minor you may think it is, that does not affect all of humanity. A display of this belief comes into action on “Forgiveness Sunday” which is the Sunday before the Monday Great Lent starts.

Usually after the Divine Liturgy on Forgiveness Service, the church as a whole will participate in Forgiveness Vespers.  The priest will bring his wife and children up in front and bow before them, embrace them, and ask forgiveness to each one of them. The wife and children will reciprocate. This is the beginning of the formation of a circle. The next person will go up to the priest and the priest’s family and each will bow to each other and ask forgiveness.  That person will then join the circle. Then another person will come up and will ask forgiveness from everybody else in the circle, bow before them and embrace them,  and the people in the circle will ask individually forgiveness from them. (When someone asks you to forgive them, then your response is not I forgive you but “God forgives”.)  And so on. This can take a long time if there are a lot of people in the church. When this is finished, everyone in the church will have asked forgiveness of every other person individually. Also people of all ages do this. It so cute to watch the toddlers go up and hug everyone and ask their forgiveness.

This is a time to ask forgiveness for certain things God has laid on your heart. However, you might ask how can you someone ask forgiveness from someone if you don’t even know them or if you have done nothing towards them.  First of all, for the people you don’t know, you can ask forgiveness for not trying to introduce yourself and getting to know them.  Another thing to think about, is how do we know if we have done something to offend someone or not?  I may have offended someone by not carefully guarding my tongue. I have hurt many people’s feelings without evening being aware of it.

However, if you go beyond of all this, our sins hurt everyone not just those immediately around us. What I do has a ripple effect on the whole world.

I have been through two Forgiveness Vespers and I will admit that they are quite uncomfortable for me at the beginning.  To me forgiveness is a very private matter.  There are some people who go through it and are crying and really getting a lot of spiritual blessings out of it.  For me, it is awkward to go up to people and ask their forgiveness because I think that I don’t have anything to be forgiven for.  However, I realize that this is just an area that I need growth in. Part of my reluctance to participate in such a service is probably even related to my pride.

The Orthodox believe that the book The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky has a lot of spiritual truths in it.  There are many quotes in this book that have to deal with this issue of forgiveness.

Bishop Kallistos Ware in his book The Orthodox Way says this.

Dostoevsky’s Starets Zosima in The Brothers Karamazov comes closer to the truth when he says that we are each of us responsible for everyone and everything:

There is only one way to salvation, and that is to make yourself responsible for all men’s sins. As soon as you make yourself responsible in all sincerity for everything and for everyone, you will see at once that this is really so, and that you are in fact to blame for everyone and for all things.

Dostoevsky also says in The Brothers Karamazov :

My brother, a dying youth, asked the birds to forgive him. That may sound absurd, but when you then of it, it makes sense. For everything is like the ocean, all things flow and are indirectly linked together, and if you push here, something will move at the other end of the world. It may be madness to beg the birds forgiveness, but things would be easier, for the birds, for the child, and for every animal if you were nobler than you are-yes, they would be easier even if only by a little. Understand that everything is like the ocean.

Wow, these quotes blow me away. If I am to live in peace, I must forgive all and ask forgiveness for all.

Memory Eternal, Part IV

When I was at the monastery, I bought a CD entitled “Hymns of Paradise: Hymns of Life and Hope.” The songs on this CD on the songs of the Orthodox Funeral service and are sung by Fr. Apostolos Hill who is the Assistant Priest at Asumption Greek Orthodox Cathedral in Denver, Co. They are sung in Byzatine Chant in English. They sound so ancient and ethereal.I have never been to an Orthodox funeral, but I have heard that they are beautiful. This CD is beautiful. I thought that to end this particular series of mine, I would share with you the words of some of the amazing hymns.

Hymns of Paradise:

1. Troparia, Tone 4

With the spirits of the righteous mad perfect in faith,
Give rest, O Lord, to the souls of Your servants
And preserve them in that life of blessedness
That is lived with thee, O Friend of man.

In that place of Your rest, O Lord,
Where all Your saints repose,
Give rest also to the souls of Your servants
For You alone are immortal.

Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit…

You are our God who descended into Hell
To loose the pains of the dead who were held there
Give rest also to the souls of Your servants, O Savior.

Now and ever and unto ages of ages, Amen

O Virgin alone pure and immaculate
Who in maiden-motherhood brought forth God
Intercede for the salvation of the souls of Your servants.
7. Evlogetaria for the Dead, Tone 5

Blessed are You, O Lord, teach me Your statutes.

The choir of the saints has found the fountain of life and the door of
Paradise. May I also find the way through repentance, the sheep that
was lost am I, call me up to You, O Savior, and save me.

Blessed are You, O Lord, teach me Your statutes.

You who did fashion me of old out of nothingness, and with Your
Image Divine did honor me; but because of the transgressions of Your
commandments, did return me again to the earth from whence I was
taken; lead me back to be refashioned into that ancient beauty of Your
likeness.

Blessed are You, O Lord, teach me Your statutes.

I am the image of Your unutterable glory, though I bear the scars of
my stumblings. Have compassion upon me, the works of Your hands,
O sovereign Lord, and cleanse me through Your loving-kindness; and
the homeland of my heart’s desire bestow on me, by making me a
citizen of Paradise.

Blessed are You, O Lord, teach me Your statutes.

Give rest O God to the souls of Your servants, and appoint for them a
place in Paradise; where the choirs of the saints, O Lord, and the just
will shine forth like stars; to Your servants that are sleeping now give
rest, overlooking all their offenses.

Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.

The triune radiance of the One Godhead with reverent songs
acclaiming, let us cry; Holy are You, O eternal Father, and Son also
eternal, and Spirit Divine; shine with Your light on us who with faith
adore You, and from the fire eternal rescue us.

Now and ever and unto the ages of ages. Amen.
Hail, O gracious Lady, who in the flesh bears God for the salvation of
all; and through whom the human race has found salvation; through
You may we find Paradise, Theotokos, our Lady pure and blessed.

Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia; Glory to You, O God (3x)
Wow, these hymns say everything. They are gorgeous. Memory Eternal to all of those who have fallen asleep in the Lord!

Memory Eternal, Part III

When I was at the monastery, I wrote several poems/prayers. The following is prayer XXIII. This is the prayer that arose in me after I went to the vespers for the Saturday of Souls.XXIII.

I have always loved cemeteries,
quiet, peaceful havens
to honor
those who have passed
through this life.

But for me
the dead have always been dead,
their fates have already been sealed.
There was no reason
for me to intercede for them,
nor the need for me
to ask them
to intercede
on my behalf.

Slowly,
like the formation
of milk into butter,
the Orthodox mindset
is starting
to solidify in me.

Lord have mercy,
on those who have departed
from this life.

Lord have mercy,
on those dear to us
whose memories still surround us
each and every day.
Lord have mercy,
on my tree of ancestors
hidden from my knowledge.
Lord have mercy,
on those who made this world
better by their beauty and grace.

Lord have mercy,
on those who fought for injustice,
on those who created art and music
for the enjoyment of our souls.

Lord have mercy,
on those killed
by a hand of another,
on those who were tortured
and left to rot.

And Lord,

have mercy
upon the alcoholics,
the murderers,
the rapists,
the thieves.

Memory Eternal!
Memory Eternal!
Memory Eternal!

Memory Eternal, Part II

About a week before I went to the monastery, I had this strong urge to go visit the graves of my relatives. I knew that a few of them were buried in the old cemetery in town, but I didn’t know exactly where. I talked to my mom about going there, and she said that we would try to go after I came back from the monastery.My mom never visited her mother’s grave since she had died over 22 years previously. She raised me to think that visiting graves was not that important. The dead were dead and there was nothing else to it. However, after both of us became Orthodox, our minds started to change.

When I was at the monastery we celebrated the Saturday of Souls. There are three of these on the three Saturdays before the first Sunday of Lent. We had a special vespers that commemorated the dead. The nuns sang many hymns and read many prayers regarding God to have mercy on those who have departed. We also read the names of the departed that were sent to the monastery to be prayed for. This service really had an impact on me. It solidified in my heart, the importance of praying for the departed.

Upon my return from the monastery, my mother and I went out to visit the graves of our departed ancestors. We couldn’t find the graves, but soon found help in the maintenance men working in the graveyard. They took us to the office and looked up plot numbers for us.

When we found the plot, we also found some unexpected graves. We found the grave of my grandmother (my mother’s mom). We also knew that my great grandmother was buried out there along with my great grandfather. We also found the graves of my mother’s uncle, aunt, and cousin. However, we found several other graves. Through some research we found them to be my great-great grandfather and great- great grandmother, my great-great grandfather’s 1st wife (no relation to me), my great-great uncle, and my great-great-great uncle who has a special civil war soldier memorial at his grave.

After we found our ancestors I read the prayers for the departed from an Orthodox prayer book. This was an amazing experience. I felt somehow connected to my ancestors. I felt like they could hear my prayers for them.

Now my mother and I try to make a weekly trip out to the cemetery to pray the prayers of the departed over our ancestors. We also say short prayers for them each morning.

My interest in my departed ancestors has led to a new hobby about which I am completely obsessed. I now have the compulsion to find out all of my ancestors that I can. I joined www.ancestry.com and have been bowled over by all of the information that I have been able to find out. I have also spent countless hours and many sleepless nights digging through documents. (I have a bad habit of being an all or nothing person. It is very hard for me to do things in moderation!)

My great-great grand father came to Kentucky after the Civil War, but he was originally from Virginia. He served in the 23rd infantry of Virginia during the Civil War. I have traced his lineage all the way to the 1600s back to the beginning days of the Virginian colony. (This link goes back around 10 generations. How amazing!)

I also found out my great-great-great grandfather (on a different branch of the tree) came over from Ireland. (That means that I am 1/32 Irish.) However, I am a little stuck there. I have narrowed it down to 10 possible boats that he could have been on.

I haven’t even started on my father’s family tree. His relatives came over from Germany. That will be very fascinating to track down, another adventure to experience.

Memory Eternal, Part I

Part I

I have been Orthodox for 2 years now. What I like most about Orthodoxy is that you can never reach a point where you have learned everything. There is always something new to learn. My priest always says something like, “Orthodox is so basic that a toddler can wade in it, but also that it is so deep that the greatest theologian can never reach the bottom.” To me this sums up Orthodoxy exactly. It is so basic that the children of the parish can participate and understand, but if you are willing you can pursue it and never, ever reach the pinnacle. To me, that is so beautiful.

One thing that I am just starting to grasp is the whole idea of praying for the dead. I never had problems with this idea of Orthodoxy, but it never really made an impact on me. My priest once told our congregation a true story that I think is taken from the book The Mountain of Silence: A Search for Orthodox Spirituality by Kyriacos C. Markides. I am paraphrasing the story he told and I hope that I am getting most of the facts correct.

There was a priest a long time ago. He was not a very good priest. In fact, he was an alcoholic. However, he fought against this passion all of the time. Because he struggled with this constantly, he often thought that he was unworthy of his office. This unworthiness caused him to go to the graveyard often. He knew that he could at least do some good by praying for the souls of those that had passed away.

Many people complained to the bishop about this particular priest. The bishop decided that he needed to relieve the priest of his duties. Not very long after that, the bishop was visited in his dreams by a lot of angry people rising up from graves. The people were shouting at him to reinstate the priest. The bishop was very shaken up by this dream and decided to visit the priest. He asked the priest what he had done to these people in the graveyard. He was very humbled and mentioned that he had only prayed for them.

For non-Orthodox this story may seem suspect and reek of spiritualism. However, Orthodox believe that people’s souls are either in a place called “Paradise” or in a place called “Hades.” They have not yet reached their final resting place. I am not an Orthodox scholar and I can not really explain it without people distorting my words. However, it is important that people realize that Orthodox do not believe in Purgatory and in buying people out of eternal punishment or doing enough good works in their name to earn them eternal reward. In Orthodoxy, there are actual quite many different views of what is going to happen to us in the afterlife. Some of these are quite controversial, like the tollhouses, and are not agreed on by all Orthodox theologians. From what I know, there is not a set in stone dogma about what exactly what will happen after death. It is a mystery and we can not know for sure what happens. However, the Orthodox do believe that we should pray for those departed. The final judgment has not occurred yet and the souls are now out of time. We believe that our prayers have an effect on their souls. We also believe that they can pray for us. Just like we may ask a living friend or relative to pray for us, it is acceptable to ask a deceased friend, relative, and especially a Saint to pray for us.

I have heard the story about the alcoholic priest a couple of times. The first time I heard it, I found it quite surprising. Although, it did not disturb me in any way, I didn’t automatically start praying for the dead. Gradually, though, in my morning prayers I would pray for the some of my known ancestors who have reposed. (Orthodox use the term “reposed” instead of dying because people die in this world but their souls are still alive).

Even though I haven’t always prayed for the departed, I have always had a predilection for cemeteries and for ruins in general, hence the picture in the heading of my blog. Graveyards have never spooked me out nor scared me. The romantic side of me has always found them enchanting and fascinating. When I was in Ukraine, I was in hog heaven to see all of the beautiful, ancient graves. I visited Kiev once with one of my Ukrainian friends (non Orthodox). I told her that I just had to go and see some of the very ancient cemeteries. She, of course, thought that I was strange. I walked around for almost an hour and she was getting really impatient. Being in the graveyard made her nervous. I told her that I wished that we had brought our lunches so that we could eat in the graveyard. She about had a fit. She really thought that I was not right in the head. I took many pictures of these ancient graves. Maybe one day I can get them scanned and upload them. Old Orthodox graveyards have fences that appear to be made out of wrought iron around each individual grave.

Well, this post in starting to get a little long and I have so much to tell. Next time I will talk about my new habit of weekly visiting the graves of some ancestors and my search to learn more about those we have come before me. I will also discuss how these desires manifested themselves.

Monastery Visit, Part IV

The rest of the week was uneventful. I attended most of the morning and evening services. I read and I wrote a lot. I watched some videos and DVDs that the nuns keep in the monastery for guests to watch. I watched a video about the history of the monastery and about daily life in the monastery. I watched a video on St. Herman of Alaska, who was the very first Orthodox missionary to the Americas. I also watched a DVD, which I had purchased in the book store. It is called “Beyond Torture: The Gulag of Pitesti, Romania.” Two Romanian priests who experienced life in this gulag were interviewed. It also gave a documentary of the life in the gulag. One of the Romanian priests, Fr. Roman Braga used to be the priest and spiritual advisor at this monastery. However, he now serves at a monastery in Michigan.

I got a chance to talk to many of the nuns and really got to find out about monastic life. These women are so compassionate. They were always thinking of me. Just one small example is when the Abbess, who was about to leave for Montreal, saw that I didn’t have any snow shoes. She asked me what size I wore. She happened to have a pair my size and gave me her old snow shoes to use when I was there. She wanted to make sure that I could walk along the grounds and the forest trail if I wanted to. (It kept snowing while I was there. I am sure that there was an accumulation of 8 or more inches.) They were always thinking of me down to the smallest detail.

All of my stereotypes of nuns went away during my visit. I was expecting the nuns to be strict and austere. However, they were very sociable and laughed a lot and had fun. I talked to the Abbess about that and she said that Orthodoxy was a natural thing; therefore, the nuns must be allowed to be natural and have their own personalities.

Another thing that had an impression on me was the Friday night vesper service. That Saturday was soul Saturday (which is a day on which the Orthodox Church prays for the dead). So we had a big box of papers with names of the deceased that people had sent in to be prayed for throughout the year. The nuns handed out stacks of papers to everyone present and we prayed for those on our lists. Also, parts of the vesper service were very interesting. We prayed for people who have died in almost every way possible. We prayed for people who were attacked by wild animals, people who were struck by lightning, people who were trampled under foot, etc.

My time at the monastery was just the medicine that I needed. It cleaned my soul and cleared up my thoughts. I feel like the Holy Spirit told me a lot of things while I was there, one of which is what career move I should make.
As things progress in this area, I will write about it on my blog.

That sums up my experience at the monastery. It was a wonderful and amazing experience, and I would encourage any one to go visit one on their next vacation if they can.

Monastery Visit, Part III

On Sunday February 24, I woke up and went to matins, hours and Divine Liturgy. It was a really special Divine Liturgy because Fr. Thomas Hopko was serving. It was an honor to be in his presence. This was the Sunday of the Prodigal Son.

He gave a wonderful sermon. He said that the Sunday of the Prodigal Son should also be called the Sunday of the Monastics because they constantly live the life of the Prodigal Son. They were called from Babylon (the world) and into the New Jerusalem (the monastic life). However, even though they have left Babylon and are no longer in the pig pen, their thoughts are always tempted to go back to Babylon to think about their lives before they became monastics. Therefore, they are constantly having to run back to the Most Merciful Father. The Lord will always accept all who run back to Him, no matter how many times they have run away.

He also talked about how salvation begins in the body. He quoted some Church Father and said something like an untamed stomach leads to a stiff neck, a wagging tongue, a cold heart, and itchy ears. He talked about how we must kill the passions when they are small before they consume us.

He talked on the verse (9) in Psalm 136 that says “Blessed is he who shall get the upper hand/And dash your infants against the rock.” He said that some monasteries don’t even read this verse when it comes up in the readings because it sounds so horrible and evil. However, he said who is man to decide what Words of God should be read and which ones shouldn’t. He said that even though these words sounded very harsh that the passage meant that our passions are like the little babies of the enemy. If we don’t kill them when they are young, they will grow up and kill us. Therefore, if we don’t kill our passions violently when they are babies, then our passions will get bigger and will overpower us.

After Divine Liturgy, we had coffee hour. Several guests came in from the Pittsburgh area for the service. The nuns mingled with the guests and ate with the guests. One of the guests made a triple chocolate cheesecake. Talk about temptation! I had two pieces of it anyway. :(  How will I survive Lent?! By the Grace of God is the only way.
Sunday afternoon and night I had to myself. I had taken leftovers from lunch for my supper. I spent a lot of the afternoon reading and writing. Each guest house has its own small library. On one of the shelves, I found a fascinating book. It is called, “Poems from Communist Prisons.” It is a book of poems by Romanians who were in prison under communist times. The Romanian poems were translated into English by Mother Alexandra (the founder of the monastery.) It was put out by the monastery.

For those that know me well, this is the ultimate of all books for me. First of all, it is prison poetry (something that I have quite an obsession about) and it about persecution under the communist regime (another thing that I have an obsession about.) Funny side note: Mom and I sometimes read together in my room before we go to bed. Mom laughs at me and says, “When I come up here you are always reading horrifying stories by people like Solzhenitsyn and I am reading ‘Anne of Green Gables’. How can you sleep after reading such things?”

So I was reading this book Sunday afternoon and evening. I was also reading a book about village life in Eastern Europe that I got from the main monastery library. I was just relaxing and enjoying myself and thought about lighting a fire in the fire place. Earlier in the day I had asked one of the nuns about the proper way to light the fire place. She said that all I had to do was to put these special logs in the fire place and put a match to them and that was it. I asked her about how to open the flu. She said that the flu was always open and I didn’t have to worry about it.

Around 8pm Sunday night, I lit a fire in the fireplace. I was so excited because I knew that I would be so cozy in the recliner reading by the light of the fireplace. (I know, I know. It’s the romantic side to me. I can’t help it.)
For a few minutes everything is nice and relaxing. However, I somehow always attract drama, and it found me even at the monastery.

Suddenly, the guest house started filling up with smoke. Then these huge flashing lights were going off, along with extremely loud siren-like alarms. I started panicking. I didn’t know what to do. I thought I was burning down the guest house at the monastery. I tried to call the monastery on the phone in the guest house. I kept getting a message from the operator. You know, the annoying one, “We’re sorry but you have dialed an incorrect number..” (unbeknown to me, in this part of PA, you have to dial a 1 and the area code, even if you are calling locally.)I ran through the house, looking for my cell phone. I dialed the monastery number. The line was busy.

I was freaking out. I ran across the street in the snow to the lady across the street (she rents the house from the monastery). I pounded on her door and was almost sobbing. She came over. We opened up all of the doors and windows. She kept waving blankets over the smoke alarm. We kept calling the monastery, but the line was continuously busy. She ran up to the monastery and didn’t return. (Later I learned that while she was running up to the monastery, she fell on a piece of black ice and sprained her ankle really bad. A week later, she was still on crutches. I feel so bad.) A few minutes later a couple of the nuns come down. One of the nuns takes a metal snow shovel and bangs open the flu. Everything eventually calms down and I get to enjoy the fire as it slowly dies out.

The next morning, one of the nuns comes to access the situation. She sees that there is some smoke damage (soot on the walls and other such minor things). She decides that I should spend the rest of my time in St. Macrina’s guest house so that they could have the other place professionally cleaned.
I was embarrassed. However, the nuns assured me that it could have happened to anyone.

To be continued…

Monastery Visit, Part II

I arrived at the Pittsburgh airport on Saturday February the 23rd. Mother B picked me up from the airport. I was a little nervous because I had never talked to a nun. The only image that I had of nuns was not of Orthodox nuns but Catholic nuns, but even my image of Catholic nuns was instilled by movies such as Sister Act. So basically, I had some pretty warped ideas.

However, Mother B was so kind and friendly that I immediately felt at peace. She was so hospitable. She asked if I needed to get anything to eat before I got to the monastery. I told her I was okay that I could wait. However, I did tell her that I wanted to stop at a gas station and get a soft drink. She stopped at a gas station. Before I got out, she tried to give me money for a soft drink. Can you believe it? Here she was trying to buy me something. I politely refused. I wasn’t going to take money from a nun, a person who had herself taken vows of poverty. That really impressed me.
We get to the monastery and I am impressed by how quaint and cozy it is. She pulls up to the guest house and shows me where everything is in the house. The first couple of nights I stayed at the St. Bridget guest house. At the time, I was the only guest and I could choose whatever room that I wanted. What I really liked about that guest house is that there were icons everywhere. In each room there were icon corners. Some room had two twin beds and some had only one. All of the rooms had nice colorful comforters on the beds. The nuns thought of everything; there was nothing over looked. The bathroom came equipped with various types of shower gels, shampoos, conditioners, lotions, etc. Also there was a washer and dryer in case you wanted to wash your clothes. They even provided washing detergent and fabric softener. This particular guest house even had a fire place.

Because the point of coming to a monastery it for a spiritual retreat and for relaxation, there was no TV which didn’t really bother me because I only watch a couple of hours of TV a week any way. Also there was no Internet which didn’t bother me either even though I am an avid Internet user. However, they did have a CD player and had an assortment of Orthodox music CDs and several CDs of Orthodox lectures recorded at the monastery and other places.

We reach the monastery a little after 5PM. The Saturday night vespers start at 6 PM. There was a little time for me to eat and get dressed for the evening services. The nuns had already fixed my supper and it was waiting for me in the refrigerator.

Mother B left and I began to unpack my things. I was just so excited to be there. I ate dinner, which consisted of the best piece of fish I have ever tasted in my life (if you know me, you know that I hate seafood and I am disgusted by the taste of fish) a rice medley with vegetables and mushrooms, and olives, tomatoes, and pickles. I ate hungrily and quickly, got dressed and made my way down the hill from the guest house to the monastery.

The monastery includes the foyer where you first walk in, the library, the book store, the dining hall, a little waiting area that is like a nice parlor, the church, and the nuns’ private living quarters.

When I stepped into the church I was blown away. I will try my best to describe it, but I will let you know in advance that my description will be inadequate. There are some things that are so mysterious, beautiful, and holy that can’t be justified with words. I didn’t have a camera (I am always meaning to get a digital camera but there is always some financial necessity that pops up before I can ever get one), so I will have to rely on my memory which may or may not be reliable.

Before I describe the church at the monastery, I must describe the general layout of an Orthodox temple for those who may be unfamiliar with Orthodoxy.

The Orthodox temple has three main sections, the vestibule (sometimes called narthex), the nave, and the sanctuary. The vestibule is the area when you first walk into the temple. This represents the world. The nave is what many Protestants would call the sanctuary. It is where the people gather. Then the Orthodox Church has something that is called an iconostasis. It is a wall or screen with icons on it. Behind the screen is what the Orthodox call the sanctuary. It contains the altar. The sanctuary represents the heavenly realm. The icons on the iconostasis are like windows to heaven and they are a way to represent the joining of heaven and the people of God. Most Orthodox Churches have a dome and at the center of the dome is an icon of Christ.

The church in the monastery is beautiful. In the nave there are a few chairs and a couple of benches. However, most Orthodox stand for most parts of the service and don’t sit down very often. Of course, if you are not feeling well or can’t stand up for that long, you may sit down. However, there are certain times when all must stand if they are physically able, such as the reading of the Gospel and the sensing of the icons.

The nave in the monastery is not a box shape. The side walls are at an angle, perhaps 45 degrees. The walls are a cross between a midnight blue and a smoky blue. This makes it look really ethereal. On the walls are frescoes of the important Orthodox feasts of the year and different scenes from the Bible. Some of these include the Resurrection, the Nativity of Christ, etc. There are 12 big frescoes on each side and they are very colorful. Each of the frescoes has a gold border around it. Near the center of the nave on the right, there is an icon of the Theotokos (the mother of God) with a place to light candles. On the left, there is an icon of Christ with a place to light candles. In the Orthodox Church we light candles before the icons to remember people and pray for them. The candles under the icon of Christ represent the living, and the candles under the icon of the Theotokos are for the reposed.

The walls don’t come to a point when they reach the ceiling. Part of the ceiling is the dome with the icon of Christ. Another part of the ceiling slants down and has painted icons of the Old Testament prophets.

Behind the iconostasis there is a big fresco of Christ giving the Eucharist (communion) to the disciples. Above the altar and above the iconostasis is a big fresco of the Theotokos with Christ.

I did my best to explain it physically, but I can not express the sense of holiness and sacredness that I felt when I saw this. When the chanting began and the incense was being lit, I totally felt caught up in the heavens.

This particular service lasted for a little over 2 hours. However, I was so tired from my trip that after 1 hour I went back to the guest house to sleep.

to be continued…

Monastery Visit, Part I

In some ways, these past several months have been hard for me. I  lost my job and my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I don’t believe in coincidences so I saw this as divine providence. I felt like my calling was to move home and to take care of my mother during her whole ordeal.

However, the plans of man are not the plans of God. By the grace of God, my mother recovered pretty quickly from her mastectomy and did not need chemotherapy. So, here I was living at home with no idea what my life was going to hold.

I was restless. I got depressed often. Thankfully the Lord led me to start a blog. This blog has been a good outlet for me. Nevertheless, I was still wandering around aimlessly, looking for some direction.

I had always wanted to visit an Orthodox monastery. I made plans and tried to set dates, but things always fell through. About a month ago though, I thought about going to a monastery and knew that this would be the perfect time in my life: no job, no husband, no children (basically no pressing obligations or responsibilities). I talked about this idea with my spiritual father and he, too, agreed that this was exactly what I needed.

Many of my church friends had gone to the Orthodox Monastery of the Transfiguration in Ellwood City, Pennsylvania. This monastery is pretty well known in the Orthodox world. They currently have 9 nuns. Six mothers (including the abbess (head mother)) and three sisters. Mothers are Orthodox nuns who have taken their vows. The length that it takes to go from sister to mother varies but I have been told the average is 8 years. A sister can be a nun for 8 years and decide to walk away. There are no spiritual consequences in this because they have not yet taken their vows.

This particular monastery was founded in the 1960s by Mother Alexandria. Mother Alexandria was formerly known as Princess Illeana of Romania. (Once you become a mother you are given a new name to show that you are dead to your old life and as an act of obedience.) During communist times, the royal family of Romania was forced to leave. At the time Princess Illeana had six children. She and her six children first went to Switzerland. Then they moved on to Argentina. Finally, they made their way to America. After her children grew up Princess Illeana became a nun and started this convent.

Currently this monastery has no full time priest. Many priests serve the services here. However, one of the more frequent priests to serve is Fr. Thomas Hopko, former dean of St. Vladimir Orthodox Seminary in New York and renowned Orthodox author and speaker.

Many people go there for personal spiritual retreats. Many parents even bring their children here every year to educate their children about the monastic life. The children love it and they love the nuns dearly.

Orthodox monasteries have three main purposes: the first being to offer up prayers several hours a day for the salvation of the world. The second purpose is for spiritual counseling, and the third main purpose is for hospitality.

As far as I know all of the Orthodox Monasteries in the United States offer hospitality. They offer room and board free of charge. Of course, most people choose to make a donation based on their ability. At this particular monastery, guest houses are well stocked with all kinds of food: soft drinks, chips, cookies, cereal, eggs, milk, fruit, bread, crackers, pretzels, tea, coffee, etc. The guest houses have a nice kitchen and you can make your own breakfast from the food that is there. Lunches are usually eaten with the nuns in their dining hall. Nuns will eat with the guests at coffee hour after Divine Liturgy on Sunday. During the week days the nuns will eat at their own table and the guests will be at another table. Guests usually are given containers to take to the guest house for supper. Monastics usually fast on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Fasting meaning that they abstain from all meat products and dairy products. Despite this, the food is amazing! I never knew tofu, glutton, and TFP (all meat substitutes) could be so tasty! If I knew how to cook like this, Lent would not be difficult at all.

One does not have to be Orthodox to visit. In fact one guest that came for 2 days was a young woman who was in seminary studying to be a Presbyterian minister. However, one is expected to attend some of the services if they come. The number of services and the duration of the services at this monastery vary according to the day and time of the year. However, on average there is a 2 hour service in the morning (usually Matins, 1st and 3rd hour prayers) and a 2 hour service in the evenings (usually Vespers, 6th and 9th hour prayers and small compline). Of course this does not include the Divine Liturgy which they have 2-3 times per week.

This particular monastery is laid back in attire. Women are not required to wear head scarves and you don’t have to be completely covered from head to toe. Some monasteries require women especially to wear long sleeves, dresses or skirts to the ankles, tights for the legs, and head coverings. However, this monastery wants people to feel welcome. The main rule is to be modest. (no shorts, no mini skirts, no cleavage showing, etc.)

I called this monastery and talked to the nun who is the head of hospitality. I know for sure that this monastery allows single women and married couples to stay in the guest houses. I am not quite sure if they allow single men to come. (I would have to inquire about that.)

She talked to me and we tried to figure out some dates for me to visit. At first, I was only planning to go for about 3 days. However, the nun who works with hospitality talked with the abbess (head mother) of the monastery. The abbess thought that I should come for one week. Well, this abbess obviously had spiritual discernment because I know that the Lord used my week when I was there. It was exactly what I needed! To be continued…

Back From My Trip

I just got back from my trip to the Orthodox Monastery of the Transfiguration. I got into Nashville late last night. I spent the night with some good friends from church. This morning we went to church and I have now just gotten back from my journey back to KY. I had such a wonderful time. God really revealed some things to me.  I wrote 25 poems/prayers when I was there, so perhaps I will be sharing some of those.   I’m going to get some rest today, but hope to write tomorrow all about my experience at the monastery!