You Dream For Me

20 02 2008

You dream for me
Things that are beyond my sight
Things that I could not see

When I am defeated and upon my knees
Thinking that I have lost the fight
You dream for me

You intercede for me
And carry me through the night
Before I could never see

How with beauty you lead me
Through the valley
When I fall from the heights
You dream for me

When I don’t live up to all that I can be
And don’t trust in the power of your might
You still show me things that I could never see

Without Your spirit that frees me
And makes the darkness fade to light
There are many things that I would never see
If you didn’t dream for me.





Rejoice in Your Suffering

18 02 2008

Many times I hear Christians when going through difficult situations say, “Why is this happening? What have I done to deserve this? This is not fair; this is not right.”

In America, there is a sense that struggles and hardships are bad. To most people, difficulties are something to be avoided. Sadly, there are even certain Christians that believe that if one is sick or is having problems, it is because they don’t have enough faith and that they brought about all of this on themselves. Some people get mad when people even speak of a problem or sickness that they have because they believe speaking of it gives power to that problem or sickness.

This thinking is quite ridiculous. As Americans we are obsessed with rights and justice to the point of absurdity. One person might get upset because they were passed up for a job promotion. They worked very hard for it, but the person who got it had connections. They might say, “It is not fair that this person got this job. I worked hard and they did nothing. I have a right to that job.”

What is considered fair and what is considered a right?

I for some reason have a fascination in reading and studying about life in the Communist Soviet Union. Millions of people were imprisoned and sent to harsh work camps for absolutely nothing. After they were arrested, fake charges were trumped against them. During their interrogations they were mercilessly tortured. Many were executed and many died horrible, slow, deaths. Was this fair? Didn’t they have rights?

In Christianity, there are no “rights.” There are no special privileges given to certain people. Men are not privileged over women. The rich are not privileged over the poor. No nationality or race is privileged over another. No one can say, “This is my right. I deserve this.” For if we talk about justice and fairness, then we deserve nothing. There is nothing that we can do to earn anything in the site of God.

So if there are no “rights” in Christianity and there are no privileges given to certain people, then why do horrible things happen to us? Why must we endure trials? Is God punishing us? Is it because we don’t have enough faith?

No, absolutely no! God is sovereign and as humans we do not understand everything that he allows to happen. But I know that often, these struggles, these problems, these disasters aid in our salvation. Many people in those Soviet harsh work camps came to know God in intimate ways. This may have never happened if they had been free.

Everything that happens to us is a way to become closer to Christ. Some people pray for miracles and miraculous healings. These do happen and I don’t deny it. However, when some people don’t get healed or their circumstance don’t get better even after they have prayed constantly, they get desponded and loose faith.

Healings and miracles are nice and it is okay to want them. But we must remember that often the point of our struggle is not to have it taken it away. The point is that Christ is struggling with us. He has not abandoned us. He is with us in the midst of our suffering and it is our choice to get closer to Him or not.

St. Paul teaches us in his second letter to the Corinthians that we should rejoice in our weaknesses because it is only in our weaknesses that we are made strong. We must also rejoice in hardships because we are becoming refined as gold in a furnace.

Christians should not avoid struggles. We should embrace them. (Don’t get the wrong idea. We should not look for struggles or purposively create them. This is wrong because it is a way of testing God and a way of cheapening His mercy.) When hard times come, we should not get defensive and ask “why?” or complain that it is not fair or right. We should draw closer to God and ask Him to give us the strength to grow spiritually. We should thank Him for giving us a way to work out our salvation with fear and trembling.

Of course, all of this is much easier said than done. But as we grow in our spiritual walk, we will see that we are slowly learning how to rejoice in our sufferings.





Prayers of Hope and Perseverance, VII

14 02 2008

VII.

Now the setting of the sun is upon us, the close of another day, another dent in time, another grain of sand descending into the hour glass of eternity.

And how did I spend these precious moments that were granted to me by Thee?

Were they spent rejoicing in the awe of Your creation? Were they spent thankful for Your ineffable mercy? Were they spent for others not expecting something back?

I’m afraid not, my Lord. Even though I had responsibilities to accomplish and trials to prevail through, not for one minute were You in my thoughts. I did not ask for Your guidance, protection, and mercy.

Most of my thoughts were centered on me and my time table, my duties, my wants and needs. Not once did a pray for others pass these parted lips that have words for complaints but not for comfort or praise.

And now I come before You, kneeling at Your throne. Why is it that I always try to be so independent, always trying to make it on my own?

Teach me, oh Lord, to pray, and I will pray before all that I do. Teach me to sing of Your glory, and I will belt out an anthem of Your majesty.

Remind me that the world does not revolve around me and that my problems are miniscule compared to the suffering in this world.

Give me strength to accept my weaknesses and the grace to start over again tomorrow.





Prayers of Hope and Perseverance, VI

11 02 2008

This is prayer number 6 in my series of Prayers of Hope and Perserverance.

VI.

Lord, it seems that judgment of other people is always on my heart. I condemn for I won’t be condemned. I blame for I won’t be blamed. I criticize in hopes that what is worse in me won’t be criticized.

Lord, my thoughts are anomalies to me. I berate myself. I chew myself up and spit myself out. I attack myself; I can find no peace within myself because of my unworthiness, my lowness.

But only if this were humility in its truest form, but it is not. This is not the virtue that lowers oneself but thinks highly of others. This is not the virtue that rejoices when others are lifted up and exalted while I remain unnoticed and unrecognized.

No, this is a false humility that dirties my soul and defiles my heart.

With this false sense of humility comes a deep seated pride. Though I rebuke myself, I somehow always find myself to be more enlightened and spiritual than others.

Though I say I need no recognition nor deserve it, I am jealous of those who seem to get more attention than me, those that tend to outshine me.

Lord, grant me true humility, the humility of the saints, especially that of St. Elizabeth the New Martyr who was Grand Duchess of Imperial Russia but gave it all away to serve the sick and the needy, who gave so much of herself so that others may be exalted.

Oh Lord, be patient with this child of Yours. I battle against my passions constantly. I falter too easily, but take in account my love for You and my eagerness to grow in Your likeness.





From Inside the Coccoon

10 02 2008

And here inside
I feel the warmth surround me
Surround me with safe, secure walls
Walls that snuggly embrace
My ever increasing bulging form

Slowly forming eyes open
Open to the blinding darkness
Somehow the quilt of comfort morphs
Into a morbid, morose, noose
That restricts my budding wings

And my agitation begins to rise
Quickly my tossing turns into thrashing
Benign beatings of my heart ignite into
Bewildered, banging, burning, bellicose bells
Set Me Free!
I need to be blistered from the heat of the sun
Frozen by the unforgiving freeze of frigid winds
Drowned by the relentless rain the renders
My fragile wings flightless.





The Rain

8 02 2008

The Rain

I could feel the cold, tingling fingers of the rain.
It was dark, and I could only smell the rain.

All my thoughts whirled around me
Falling down, pelting me like the rain.

Although, I miss the pleasant sun
I have learned to admire the rain.

Broken bones, broken words, broken hopes
Have all been gifts to me from the rain.

Patience and perseverance are awards bestowed upon me
For having the bravery to fight the rain.

I can feel the strong, massaging fingers of the rain.
It is bright, and I can only taste the rain.

All of my thoughts gather inside of me
Sprinkling down like soft rain.

Although I enjoy the pleasant sun
I have learned to hunger for the rain.

Contriteness and repentance
Have been given to me by the rain.

Love and wisdom are awards bestowed upon me
For having embraced the rain.

Faith, gulp down
The mysteries of the rain.





New Dreams

6 02 2008

 I am posting an older poem of mine today.  Actually I have the stomach virus today and am very sick. I will try to catch up on all the blogs I check on a regular basis later.

 NEW DREAMS

Pain lies here creeping in so suddenly
like a frigid winter sneaking in with
the slow drifting away of the final,
crisp autumn leaves that once hung so brilliantly.

Tears visit here rolling in like a cloud burst.
First dripping like a broken water faucet
then rapidly pouring down like a monsoon
blowing in anguish and unseen terrors.

But hope resides here and love flourishes here
Melting away the cold winter of pain
drying up the sweltering streams of tears
leaving the door open for new life, new dreams.





And She Bought Me Cherries

4 02 2008

This is absolutely my favorite poem that I have ever written.  Once again, this one of the poems that I wrote in Ukraine. Actually, the poem is about my ex-mother-in-law. I wonder what she’s doing now… She really was a pleasant woman.

And She Bought Me Cherries

And she bought me cherries
for my train ride
sweet cherries
wrapped in a funnel
made from pages
of a old novel
that nobody
will ever read again.

It was Friday,
time for me to leave,
time for me to say Goodbye
for a long time,
perhaps forever

The early morning sun
was too weak
too tired
to break free
from the massive clouds.

And like the clouds,
my heart sagged
and I wanted to pour
out tears of rain.
But I couldn’t.

But she did.
And she let the rain
fall freely
fall openly
upon this shoulder
of mine.

We were able to
choke out words
of love and affection
in a language
that was not my native tongue,
a language
that has stolen my heart
and has possessed my mind.

And she bought me cherries
for my train ride,
sweet cherries.





Site Recommendation

1 02 2008

This post is especially for all Orthodox Converts or those who are inquirers to the Orthodox Faith.  A site that really helped me when I was researching and discovering the Orthodox Faith was the yahoo group called Orthodox Converts.  This was the best thing for me.  I lived far away from an Orthodox Church and I new nobody that was Orthodox. This site helped to learn so much. It is a very professional group and is well moderated.  People can asks all the questions they want and they will receive wonderful answers. There are several priests that are a part of this group, so if someone is wrong in explaining the Orthodox beliefs they will gently correct them.  I haven’t been to this site in a long time because I am well established in a parish with an amazing priest. But for those who want to make other Orthodox friends or to learn more about what the Orthodox believe, it is worth joining this group.  You can find the link on my blogroll under “Orthodox links.”